May 28, 2018. Memorial Day. Yesterday, May 27, marked two months since Adam died. In some ways it feels like longer than two months; in other ways it feels like shorter than two months. Oftentimes I am still in disbelief.
If you read my previous post, you know that I was feeling depressed on Friday because a three-day weekend was coming up, and it was the first weekend since Adam died that I did not have any plans. Well, God sure took care of that for me! I already wrote about Saturday in my previous post. Yesterday was great. I slept in again, then got up and started getting ready to head to the lake. A co-worker, Rachel, and her husband live on Lake Buchanan in Burnet, Texas, and invited several people out for the afternoon. I rode with my co-worker / good friend Reagan and her husband. It is about a 45-minute drive. They picked me up around 1:45 and we made our way there. We had a great time. We drank adult beverages, floated around in the lake, ate a delicious meal of brisket, sausage, and various yummy sides, rode in their boat, sat and talked, and enjoyed a breathtaking sunset over the lake.
While out on the boat, I tubed with Lori, a co-worker. We had a blast but it sure wore us out. I think it has been three years since I last tubed. I think Rachel’s husband was trying to get us to come off of the tube, but we held on for dear life and did not come off! My body is paying for it, ha ha, but it was worth it.
Here is a picture I took while we were out on the boat. Crazy hair, don’t care! Ha ha!
On the way home, I had a short cry. They were playing country music in the truck and “Unanswered Prayers” by Garth Brooks came on. I could not help but cry!
I got home around 10:30, and I slept like a baby!
Something else to mention from the day…..at the bottom of the page titled “Childhood & Daddy’s Death,” I wrote about the significance of red birds in my life. Yesterday when we were floating around in the lake, I looked up and a bright red bird was flying over. I believe that it was Daddy and / or Adam flying over to say hello. That warmed my heart to see it.
My roommate, Helen, invited me to another lake today get-together today (on Lake Travis). Her best friend and her husband live close to the lake and a group of people were going out today for Memorial Day. I originally thought I would go; however, yesterday wore me out and I decided that two days on the lake would probably be too much for me with school still in session! Ha ha!
I slept in this morning, and figured I would stay at home and work around the house. My mom texted me and asked what I was doing. I ended up going to Temple (about 50 minutes from where I live) and spent the day with her. First we ate lunch at Chili’s. While sitting outside to wait for my sister and her husband to join us, I told Mom about how Adam’s family plans to scatter his ashes at Luckenbach, Texas. This made me cry, but shortly after we went inside, I was okay. After lunch, Mom and I went and got our nails done. My youngest brother is getting married on Saturday so we are getting ready! I usually only get pedicures, but today I decided to get a matching manicure as well. The place had country music playing and several songs in particular made me cry. It seemed like once I started I could not stop. One lady was working on my toenails and another lady on my fingernails; I asked the lady working on my hands if she had a tissue. She looked at me and didn’t know what to think! She went and got a paper towel for me. The lady doing my toenails asked if I was okay and I just told her yes. When I composed myself a little, I told them that my boyfriend died two months ago. The lady doing my fingernails asked what happened…..if he was sick…..I said he was in a fire. They seemed very sympathetic, but we did not talk any further.
Mom was getting her fingernails done and I think she overheard and saw me crying. I am guessing she shared information with the lady who was working on her nails. The lady asked me if I wanted wine. Ha ha. I told her yes, and that I wanted red. Turns out they were out of wine, but she offered a Margarita and I told her yes. They had three Margarita machines and she turned them on. A little while later when they were ready, the lady who did my fingernails asked if I wanted “green.” I asked her what other flavors they had, and Strawberry was an option. I told her I wanted Strawberry. She said it did not have alcohol in it and I said, “Give me green then.” LOL. Mom got a good laugh from that! Another girl who was getting a pedicure got a Margarita also, and she said she thought they forgot to put alcohol in it. I would have to agree with that! Oh well…..
Back to the songs…..the first song that really got to me was “I Don’t Dance” by Lee Brice. I started balling. When Adam and I first started talking, he told me that he didn’t know how to dance, and that I would have to teach him, which I did. I LOVE dancing. It was not Adam’s favorite thing, but he would dance with me because he knew how much I loved it. I joked with him and told him that he lied when he said he couldn’t dance, because he did so well once I “taught” him. Ha ha. I always told him that I needed to teach him how to spin me, because I love spinning. The chorus of the song says:
“I don’t dance, But here I am
Spinning you round and round in circles
It Ain’t my style, but I don’t care
I’d do anything with you anywhere
Guess you got me in the palm of your hand
Cause, I don’t dance”
That’s what turned the water faucet of tears on, and it just continued from there. The next song that got me was “Make You Feel Wanted” by Hunter Hayes. This got to me because Adam definitely made me feel wanted. Early in our relationship he told me that he felt like he had the greatest woman on the planet. He treated me like a queen.
“If I Die Young” by The Band Perry. I don’t think any explanation is needed on that one; the title says it all.
“Make You Miss Me” by Sam Hunt. Part of the chorus says, “I ain’t gonna be that easy to leave.” When Adam and I were dating, due to some of my family members not approving of him, I often questioned whether or not we were meant to be together. One time in particular, I told him I thought we should break up, but we didn’t. He said he would do whatever it took for us to stay together. Just like the song says, he wasn’t easy to leave. And he certainly wasn’t easy to leave when he died. Just typing this, I still cannot believe I watched him die. I still cannot believe he is gone.
“Tonight Looks Good On You” by Jason Aldean. The words to this song remind me of how Adam constantly complimented me. He had such a way with words. He complimented me in person, through emails, through texts…..he also wrote me several poems. His vocabulary and his way of describing things was beyond amazing.
“Drink A Beer” by Luke Bryan. I have heard this song before, but I never paid close attention to the lyrics. Even today while listening to it, I was not paying very close attention. I just now looked up the lyrics. WOW. I didn’t realize what the song was about. This is the last song I made note of from today, and I think it’s perfect to share a video of…..
Tears, tears, tears!!!!!
Back to the nails. Ha ha. I feel all kinds of fancy with toenails AND fingernails done! 🙂
After getting our nails done we went to Kohl’s. I mentioned in my last post that I bought a dress for my brother’s wedding but I am not 100% crazy about it. I decided to look again today, and found a beautiful one right away. I tried it on and fortunately Mom was there with me so tell me how it looked. It is very pretty!
Next stop: Payless. I have not been to a Payless in years! I bought two new pairs of shoes: a pair of black wedges to wear with the new dress for the wedding, and a pair of black sandals to wear for the reception. Mom really liked the ones I picked out for the reception and she ended up getting herself a pair for work.
Next was Walmart, then SAM’s, then Starbucks. I was feeling pretty tired this afternoon so Mom recommended we get some coffee before I headed back home. It must have woken me up, because when I got back home a little after 6:00 I decided to go walking at the park by my school! After that I came home, took a shower, got stuff ready for tomorrow, and came here to write. I feel like this is my safe place.
Oh, Mom and I had such a nice day today…..even with all of my crying. I thank God for giving me just what I needed on this three-day weekend. Time with friends and time with family. Thank you, Lord. It is 10:50 now and I guess I need to call it a night, even though I don’t feel tired. Ha ha. It’s the coffee!
I hope each of you has a blessed week ahead. Our students’ last day of school is Wednesday. We have a work day on Thursday, then convocation on Friday morning. After that, once we are done with our end-of-year check off, we are free to go. Woohoo!
Note: My blog posts are shown with the most recent posts at the top. If you’d like to read about how this journey began, scroll to my first post, titled “The Journey Begins.” 🙂
My Strength 