I was born and raised in Cameron, Texas, a small town in Central Texas. I was the first of five children. My brother Matthew came along in 1981; Marcus in 1985; and Mitchell in 1987. Several years after Mitchell was born, my mom announced that she was pregnant again. I cried because I did not want another brother. Ha ha. In September of 1991 I got a sister! Her name is Megan. That day, I cried for joy. 🙂
I grew up in the country with two hard-working parents. They would have done anything for us kids. They both had away-from-home jobs at certain times in my childhood, but they also each had (and Mom still has) a unique talent. My dad’s talent was leather work. My mom’s talent is cooking, making cakes, and catering.
Here is a picture of my mom when we took her out to eat for Mother’s Day this year (2018). Next is a picture of my dad.
I was blessed to have all four grandparents until I was in the 5th Grade. That year, my Granddaddy (my mom’s dad) had a heart attack in his sleep and died. My Papaw (my dad’s dad) died in 2010. I still have both grandmothers, Memaw and Mamaw.
In addition to my grandparents, there was a very special couple, Jewell and Curtis, who was also like grandparents to my siblings and I. They lived in our small rural community. They helped raise my dad (they did not have children of their own), so us kids came along it was only natural that they help raise us as well. Curtis is actually the man who taught my dad how to do leather work.
Horses were a way of life for my dad’s side of the family, so I rode a lot when I was little. I had a Palamino named Taffy. She was beautiful. We went to play days and rode in trail rides. As time went on and I got older, we fell out of active involvement with horses; however, during my early years of high school I was able to do some riding on a mare that was at our home. I would wake up early in the mornings and ride her in our round pen, then come inside and get ready for school. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but after my dad was killed (which I’ll get to later) we didn’t have the mare anymore. I still love horses, and hope to be involved with them again one day.
I always loved school and made straight A’s, except for Geometry in the 10th Grade. Ha ha. I LOVE Algebra, but HATED Geometry. I cried when I got a C for one six weeks. The lowest grade I had ever made!
I was raised in a Catholic church. My parents made sure that we made it to church every weekend, even if we were out of town on vacation. Our church had mass on Saturday nights and Sunday mornings. If I ever asked to stay with a friend on a Saturday night, my dad always asked how I would get to church on Sunday morning. If one of us kids was sick, either Mom or Dad would stay home on Saturday night while the other one and the rest of us kids went, and vice versa. Growing up as a Catholic, I believed that I would go to Heaven because I was a “good person.” I went to church every week. I went to CCD on Wednesday nights. I had all of my prayers memorized. It was not until later in life that I learned that it’s not about being a “good person”; rather, it’s about salvation and accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior (I will talk about this on another page of this blog).
On Sunday, September 29, 1996, life as I knew it was forever changed. To explain this, I am going to use a letter that I wrote to my dad in February of 2016. My second husband and I were attending marriage counseling but I also saw the counselor alone to discuss my dad’s death. One of the things she asked me to do was write a letter to my dad and tell him all the things I wanted to tell him but never had the chance to. What I wrote is below. For privacy, I have not included last names of individuals who are mentioned.
February 24, 2016
Dear Daddy,
Hello, this is Monica Elizabeth, your firstborn child. I’m sure it will take me several days to write this letter; the date at the top is the day I started it. The last time we saw each other, I was 16 years old and a junior in high school; you were 41 years old. It was Sunday, September 29, 1996. That afternoon you went to look at a horse (or horses, I don’t remember) with Tommy (Blog note: Tommy was a friend of my dad’s). Tommy was driving his truck and y’all were in a wreck close to Ratibor (Blog note: Ratibor is a small community about 30 minutes from my childhood home). The vehicle in front of you and Tommy had a blowout. There was another vehicle coming towards y’all and it sideswiped the vehicle in front of you and Tommy, then went head-on into Tommy’s truck. You died at the scene.
Your visitation and Rosary were on Tuesday, October 1st at Marek Burns Laywell. Your funeral was on Wednesday, October 2nd at St. Monica’s Catholic Church. You had a closed casket so once you left home that Sunday we never saw you again. Mom begged Ed at the funeral home to see you but he would not let her. He said that she needed to remember you as you were. Your funeral was PACKED with people. There were people who had to stand in the back of the church, and still more outside. You were such a wonderful man, loved by so many. People still talk about you to day. You were buried in the Marlow Cemetery (Blog note: Marlow is the small community that I grew up in). Mom got a double headstone; it’s two hearts side-by- side. I don’t remember exactly when we went but I got to go with Mom to pick out the gravestone. We got it from a place in Rosebud. If memory serves me correctly, she let the people use one of your buckles to engrave a
picture of a calf-roper on your heart. It also had a color picture of you on it. It’s beautiful.
In four days you would turn 61 if you were still on this earth. I have no idea if you can see this earth or my life from Heaven. I know people often say that deceased loved ones are looking down from Heaven / watching over us, but, I also consider a good point that Brother Wayne once made. He said that if people were able to see earth from Heaven it would not be Heaven because they would see too much evil, sadness, etc. However, in response to this, Mom also made a good point. She pointed out that the Bible doesn’t talk about tears being wiped away until the end of the book of Revelation. Revelation 21:4 says: “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” This is during the New Heaven and the New Earth.
Since I don’t know if you can see my life or not, I’m going to pretend that you cannot. I am currently 36 years old and I am a 5th grade math teacher in Liberty Hill, Texas! Did you ever think I would be a teacher??!! I am in my second marriage. My husband’s name is Todd. I’m sad to say that Todd and I are currently separated. We are going to counseling and trying to work through things. We have been to several counselors but we have recently landed upon an amazing Christian lady named Sheila. I have talked with her about you, and she told me that I had to write a letter to you to tell you all the things I never got to tell you when you were alive. When she gave me that assignment I did not think that it would be hard since I love to write. I started thinking of all the things I would say. I planned on sitting down this past weekend and writing it, but, it turns out that it’s harder than I thought. I did not have the desire or the motivation to work on it this past weekend. Todd and I saw Sheila last night and we talked about it again. For some reason I felt like starting it this morning so here I am! I expect it to be long, so I am typing instead of actually writing.
I was your first born of FIVE kids! I was born in 1979. Next was Matthew Dwaine in 1981. Then Marcus Cullen in 1985. Then Mitchell Curtis in 1987. Then Megan Gwen in 1991. You and Mom were awesome parents; Mom is STILL awesome! She took extremely good care of us after you left this earth.
Even though I only got to spend sixteen years with you, you were the best daddy that a girl could ever ask for. You and Mom made a great pair. Y’all had arguments and Mom threatened to leave at times, but above all I know that y’all had a great love for one another. That reminds me……….on the day you were killed, you and Mom had been arguing. I remember you arguing on the way to church but I
don’t remember what you were arguing about. After lunch that day, Matthew (your first born son) and I went down to Melanie’s house (Blog note: Melanie was, and still is, a family friend and neighbor). I cleaned house for Melanie and that day Matthew mowed the yard for her. I can’t recall exactly what happened but Matthew needed to go back home to get something for the lawnmower – gas, I think. When I went into the house Mom was standing at the kitchen sink and I could tell something was wrong with her. I asked her if she was okay. If memory serves me correctly she was crying. She told me that before you left with Tommy, you came up behind her, put your arms around her and told her that no matter what happened, you would always love her.
When Matthew and I returned home after we were done at Melanie’s, that is when we learned that you had been in a wreck. There were several vehicles at the house so I sensed something was wrong. Curtis and Jewell were like grandparents to us five kids. They helped raise you when you were young, then helped raise us kids as well. Curtis had been sick for awhile. There was a nurse, Judy, who lived across the road from Curtis and Jewell and she had been tending to Curtis some. When Matthew and I returned home the second time, the first vehicle that I recognized was Judy’s, so I imagined that something had happened to Curtis. When I went inside the house I was told (by your mom, I think) that you had been in a wreck and they could not “find you.” I thought that meant that your body could not be found at the wreck scene. I remember sitting down on the couch, in shock. I kept telling myself, “This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening.” Some time passed and
someone came in to tell Mom that she had a phone call. The call was on Uncle Erskine (Blog note: Erskine is my dad’s brother) and Aunt Lana’s “bag” phone in their truck. Mom went out to take the call and after a moment or two she screamed bloody murder. At that moment I knew what had happened. Your dad, who I’m sure you are with in Heaven now, was in between your leather shop and the house, in the driveway, and I will never forget him falling down to his knees. I know now that when they said you could not be found, it meant at the hospital. Mom (or someone else) called – I guess Scott and White – looking for you but they told her there was no one there by that name. I need to talk to Mom again about this, but, my guess is that you were taken directly to the funeral home since you died at the scene. Needless to say, that day changed the rest of my life – the rest of OUR lives.
You were an awesome daddy and I could never thank you enough for all that you did for me and the entire family. You were such a hard worker. Sadly, you lost your job at Alcoa in 1989. I had to ask Mom about the date. She said she thought it was in February but she was not certain. You did leather work, which you learned from Curtis. You would go down to the bunkhouse at Mamaw and Papaw’s house and work on your leather stuff. I don’t remember exactly when, but you began doing your leather work in the small shop that was behind our home in Marlow. You soon outgrew that little shop and decided to build a new one, right next to our home. I got to have the coolest 15th birthday party in your new shop, when it was just the concrete floor and two-by-fours! I had a dance in there! It was so much fun, and I thank you for allowing me to do that. I sure did – and still do – love to dance. YOU were an awesome dancer! I’m sure that you and I danced numerous times but for some reason there’s one time that stands out. When I was in junior high we went to Nada, Texas with the Labay’s (family friends) for some event that was going on. I remember there was a volleyball tournament, because I was going to be in it, but ended up not being in it. There may have been a cook-off, I’m not sure. Obviously there was a dance and I remember dancing with you and being so happy and proud!
You had a love for fishing and you took us often. Our most frequent place to fish was at “Hidaddy’s Tank.” Hidaddy was your grandfather (your dad’s dad) and the tank is right next to where Hidaddy lived. Now, your Aunt Elizabeth (your dad’s sister) lives in the same house. My greatest memory about fishing comes from the late 1980’s. I thought it was the Easter of 1984 but I would have only been 4 years old at that time, and I know was older than that. Anyways…..you had planned to take Matthew and I fishing at Hidaddy’s on Easter morning. Matthew ended up getting in trouble for something the day before, so you told him he would not get to go fishing. I was super excited that I would get to go with you by myself. We had a grand time. I caught (well, YOU had to reel it in) an 8 ½ pound catfish! I remember that we weighed it at Mamaw and Papaw’s house. We might have also gone to Curtis and Jewell’s to show them; I don’t remember for sure. I was so happy and proud.
When we got home I stood at the back of our aluminum horse trailer and held the fish up so Mom could take a picture. What a wonderful memory!
March 14, 2016
Hello Daddy, it’s me again. So many things have happened since I started writing this letter to you. On Sunday, February 28, you would have turned 61 years old. I talked with Mom over the phone that evening and gained a lot of information from her. I am going to share all of that in a minute.
On Tuesday, March 1, I had to share what I had written (before March 14) with Sheila, our counselor. Man oh man was that hard! I had to stop crying before I could even begin to read. I was able to get through it. Sheila listened intently. When I was done she explained to me that I need to go DEEPER…..she said I did a great job of telling about events that happened but I did not talk about
how I FELT about the events. She said she’s trying to get me to a place where I can drop all of this off and let it go. She said to imagine it as a heavy suitcase that I am carrying around with me everywhere I go. I need to be able to let go of it…..but it’s letting go of the negative emotions, not the memories. She said I’ll always have the memories, but I need to let go of the emotions associated with the memories. I need to be able to talk about you / memories of you without getting so upset. It makes
sense, but it’s so hard. I found a few lists of emotions that I actually printed several years ago and I am going to use the lists to help me. I am going to TRY and do this today. We’ll see. First, I want to write all the things that I learned from Mom when I spoke with her on your 61st birthday…..
On the afternoon that you were killed, Mom received a phone call from Tommy’s dad. When he called he was not aware that Tommy had already picked you up, at around 1:00. Tommy wanted to buy a horse and he wanted you to go with him to test it out and see if it would be a good purchase or not. He was calling Mom to let her know that they had received a phone call that Tommy had been in a wreck. His wife was on her way to Scott and White in Temple. Mom called the Milam County Sheriff’s Department and tried to speak with Charlie (Blog note: Charlie was a family friend who was with the Sheriff’s Office); I am not sure if she actually spoke with him or not but she was told that there had not been any wrecks in Milam
County (that’s because the wreck took place in Bell County). Mom said she thinks she called Scott and White next and asked to be connected to the Emergency Room. They confirmed that Tommy was brought in, but when Mom asked about you they did not know anything about you. She asked them if you had been killed, would you have been brought to the hospital and they told her no.
Earlier in the letter I mentioned Judy, the nurse who lived across from Curtis and Jewell. Mom explained that Judy was at home that day (she was working for Scott and White at that time). Mom said that Aunt Lana called Judy to come down and check on her (Mom) because she (Aunt Lana) was worried about Mom’s blood pressure. Apparently Judy talked to some of the people that she knew at Scott and White. Some DPS guys came to Scott and White – Mom said possibly to talk
with Tommy. Mom is not sure how they got Uncle Erskine’s cell phone number but that is the number that a DPS officer called, and that is when Mom went out to take the call. I don’t know how much time elapsed during all of this but Mom said she didn’t understand why someone from Milam County was not sent to our house to tell her.
I asked Mom about your job at Alcoa. She didn’t know a whole lot about what you did. She explained that you worked at the power plant, for TU Electric. She said that you made sure everything worked properly, ha ha. You attended a lot of schooling for a computer program. She explained that there were four power plants and that you and Luther (Blog note: Luther is a relative) were at 1, 2, and 3. I THINK she said that the computer program was already being used at the fourth plant, and you were going to school to learn about it so that it could be used at 1, 2, and 3. For your schooling you traveled a lot. You went to Massachusetts and Ohio. You got to drive through Niagara Falls in New York. You went to school a lot in Athens, Texas.
I talked with Mom about when and why we stopped going to the play days in Caldwell. My memory could be incorrect on this but it seems like I remember y’all telling us that we were going to stop going because it was getting too competitive; it wasn’t just for fun anymore. While that may have been part of the reason, I know now that it was because our family couldn’t afford to go anymore. Mom said she
thought we stopped going before Mitchell was born, in 1987. She remembers you leading Marcus on Foxie Girl; she thinks Marcus was around 4 or 5 years old. I told Mom that I remember telling her when I turned 10 that I would be able to be in the “10 and under” category at the play days. She said if that’s the case, then maybe we stopped going before Mitchell was old enough. She explained that we had to start selling things. I’m guessing this is why we sold Taffy, my Palomino. Again, my
memory could be incorrect on this but it seems like I remember you telling me that we were selling Taffy because you didn’t want me to see her die on our place. I don’t know if I was told to go with Jewell, or if I decided on my own, but I remember Jewell picking me up before the people came to get Taffy. We went somewhere and when we came back, she was gone.
Mom said what devastated her the most was when y’all sold the covered wagon. She thinks it must have been around 1993 or 1994. When Megan was a baby we rode in it for a parade; Mom and I were dressed like in the 1800’s. That was such a neat little wagon! You used to have a “booth” at the church picnic; you would give wagon rides for fifty cents, I think! There were also times when we had people at our house and you would give us a ride down the road behind the house. Oh, what
memories!
One year after your death, Mom decided that she needed to get away and spend some time to herself. I think she said us kids stayed with Curtis and Jewell. I do not remember this. She started out on a Friday night. She spent the night in Temple (Blog note: Temple is about 30 miles north of Cameron, my hometown). When she got up the next morning she did not know where she was going to go. She ended up driving to Shreveport, Louisiana to Family Casino. She said that’s the last place you and her went together. She stayed about three hours and then drove to Athens, Texas, where I mentioned you often went for school. When you would go to school there and she was able to get away, she would come and stay with you on a weekend. One of the places you often stayed at was the Spanish Trace Inn so that is where she went. She said there were a ton of people there. She went to the desk and they had one room left, behind the desk area. She explained that her husband had died one year before and she was taking a trip down memory lane. The large
group of people was due to a family reunion. The gentleman at the desk told her to move her Suburban around and park where they would be able to see her walking from the room to the Suburban. She said she grabbed her bag, Bible, and journal. She stayed up half of the night crying and writing. She realized that a year had already passed and that you were not coming home. When she told me all of this on your 61st birthday, she said that she did not know where all of this writing was, and that she was going to try and go through some of her things and see if she could find it. What a treasure that would be.
Well, I think that sums up everything that Mom shared with me. Before I go back and try to identify my feelings about all of these things there are a few other things that I’d like to tell you…..
I want to thank you for bringing me up around horses and teaching me how to ride. I have carried a love for horses in my heart ever since I was little. You instilled that love in my heart. I have not been involved with horses since you passed away, but I do have a dream that one day I will be involved with them again. If I ever have children, I would love to raise them on horses the same way that you raised me.
I also want to thank you for your hard work, and for going above and beyond to make me happy. There are two examples that stand out in my mind. First: I had a pair of pearl colored Justin Lace-ups. If memory serves me correctly you got them for me for one of my birthdays, at the western store in Lott where we used to shop a lot. I think I may have gotten them during my 5th grade year. My teacher had a daughter named Tia. Tia came up with the idea of having different colored leather “inserts” to go in the top part of the boot. This is when you did leather work in the small shop behind our house. I remember you making some different colored inserts for her, then I wanted some so you made some for me. Years later, when I was in high school, I wanted you to put crepe soles on those boots and I wanted them done before I left for an FFA trip. I THINK it was when I went to Washington, D.C. but I could be wrong. Anyways, when I went to bed the night before leaving for the trip, the soles were not done yet. I have no idea how late you stayed up, but when I woke up the next morning the boots were sitting in my room and the soles were finished!
If my memory serves me correctly the same type of thing happened with the A&M binder that you made for me. I always knew that I wanted to go to A&M and some time in high school I decided that I wanted a three-ring leather A&M binder. I got to help you make it. We worked on it in the little shop behind the house. I remember when you used the wax paper (or whatever kind of paper) to transfer the ATM on the front, you accidentally did it backwards! Ha ha ha. We realized the mistake and you were able to fix it but you can still tell that it was backwards at first. In the “A” you can see lines from where the “M” was originally. I’m pretty sure I got to paint all of the letters on the binder. On the front is the ATM, in maroon, with white around it. Going down the side is my name, in maroon. Diagonally on the back it says “AGGIES” and that is in maroon. The inside of the binder is lined with black pig skin. It is so nice. I think it was the night before school was going to start and the binder was not completely finished yet. Again – I have no idea how late you stayed up, but when I woke up the next morning the binder was in my room, finished, so I could take it to school with me!
You were SUCH a hard worker. I recall one Christmas morning you were not in the house with us when we opened gifts because you were in your shop (the new shop) trying to finish working on a pair of chaps for a customer. The customer came to pick them up and apparently the work you did was not good enough for them, or it wasn’t what they wanted. I don’t remember the details but I remember how upset you were because you had worked so hard on them.
One thing I wanted to tell you but I never did……….it must have been one or two Christmases before you died. I was well aware that you and Mom did not have much money and I knew that y’all probably could not afford Christmas gifts for us. I wanted so badly to talk to you and tell you that y’all didn’t have to worry about Christmas gifts that year, but I never had the courage to talk to you. I don’t
have a vivid memory of that Christmas. I imagine we all had something small under the tree. You told us that one day you would take us to a certain boot place and that we would get hand-made boots as our Christmas for that year. I’d have to check with Matthew again to be certain, but I remember several years ago asking him about the place. I believe it’s Olathe Boot Company in Mercedes, Texas. Going there never happened while you were alive, but who knows, maybe I’ll make it there one day and get myself a pair of handmade boots!
I could really go on and on and on. I just want you to know that you were an outstanding dad. I thank you for everything that you did for me and for our family. Thank you for teaching me how to drive a standard – I haven’t mentioned that. Ha ha ha. Thank you for teaching me the value of hard work. Thank you for teaching me how to ride a horse. Thank you for teaching me how to fish. Thank you for teaching me a few things about leather work. Thank you for getting me my first checkbook when I was twelve years old! I think it’s because of you that I am able to work so well with money stuff today. Thank you for your impeccable handwriting! I have very neat handwriting and am often complimented on it. I tell people I got it from you! Thank you for raising us in a Christian home. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! I wish you were still here on this earth so
that I could thank you in person, but, I’m confident that I will see you again one day and the thankfulness will be known.
I love you.
Back to the blog…..earlier I mentioned that I would go back in the letter and identify the emotions that I felt. Here is what I wrote:
Emotions on the day he was killed:
On that day I felt many emotions, although I doubt I recognized them at the time. Looking back, I felt extreme sadness and fear….
Agony (extreme physical or mental suffering) – I was aching physically and I was going crazy mentally. I could not wrap my mind around what was taking place.
Suffering – I was suffering physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Hurt – I felt hurt by what was happening. How could it be happening? How could my dad be killed when I was 16 years old and he was only 41? How could he be killed when he had a wife and five children at home? How could Tommy still be alive, when he was driving? My dad was just a passenger.
Despair (complete loss or absence of hope) – I felt like there was no hope for the future. How would we go on without daddy there with us? How would I ever go to A&M?
Hopelessness – this goes with the despair.
Gloom, glumness – It was as if there was a huge dark cloud over our lives. Like I was in a dream; like what was happening was not real.
Unhappiness – It was as if everything I had known in life had been turned upside down in an instant.
I don’t think I felt any happiness on that afternoon. I imagine that I felt that I would be unhappy for the rest of my life, knowing that you would no longer be there with us.
Grief – This is a given. Dictionary.com defines grief as “keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.” That day certainly included mental suffering over loss and sharp sorrow.
Sorrow – this goes with the grief.
Misery – I was miserable in every way. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Disappointment – I was disappointed that what was happening, was happening. I never imagined anything like that affecting us.
Neglect – I don’t recall feeling this, but I can imagine that, at least subconsciously, I felt neglected by God. How could he take my daddy away??
Insecurity – I felt insecure over the future and how we would deal with the loss of Daddy.
Shock – I cannot say how long the shock lasted. It may have diminished slightly after the funeral service and graveside, but I imagine it still lasted for a while after that. I was in shock that such a thing could be happening. As I mentioned earlier, it was as if I was in a dream, as if what was happening was not real. It did not help at all that Daddy’s casket was closed. I think that seeing him would have provided more closure.
Fear – I felt fear over the future. Again, how would be go on without Daddy there with us? How would we survive? How would I be able to go to A&M?
Horror – I felt horrified that my dad could die such a tragic death. I was horrified that he died at the scene. I was horrified that Tommy, the driver, was still alive.
Panic – I think this goes along with so many things listed above. I panicked when I thought of the future and how we would go on without Daddy.
Anxiety, uneasiness, apprehension, worry, distress, dread – I felt all of these things when I thought about moving on / moving forward. I felt anxious about the future – especially about the funeral; uneasy about the future; apprehensive about the future; worry about the future; distress over the future; and dread over the future…..dread over moving on from that day. It was a day that changed our lives forever.
Emotions on the day of his funeral:
As much as I could feel it, I think I felt love and joy…..
Love, caring – I felt this from the huge number of people who showed up at your visitation and funeral.
Pride – I felt pride in knowing how many people knew you and loved you; this was shown by the turn out at your visitation, funeral, and graveside service. I felt proud of the man and the daddy that you were to us. I also felt pride in the beautiful headstone that was created for you. It is truly a perfect tribute to you.
5.28.18 I finished writing above, not too long after I started this blog on May 14. It dawned on me today that I did not include anything about the significance of red birds. This is very important, because I will probably mention red birds in some of my posts. I want you to understand the meaning. 🙂
It was February 4, 2009. I know this because I still have the mail saved. My second (ex) husband emailed me and asked what was going on in my world. I was working in the school at a therapeutic boarding school for troubled teenage boys. I responded to his email to tell him what was going on in my world, and part of my message said: “The weather is beautiful and I am so thankful for everything that God has done and is doing in our lives. What does it mean when you constantly see a red bird? Every single day, I see a red bird, or two, on my way to work. One day last week there was one right outside the window of the bathroom at the school. I always enjoy seeing them; they are so pretty.”
His response: “Red bird is prolly your daddy, saying hi, you are doing good and he is watching over you with a host of other angels. My grandpa comes to see me sometimes – lady bug. Don’t ever kill a lady bug.”
Ever since he told me that, red birds have been special to me. Every time I see one, I know it’s Daddy visiting…..and now, Adam (my boyfriend who died on March 27, 2018). Allow me to share more…..
If memory serves me correctly, it was one July 4…..maybe 2009…..maybe later…..my second husband and I went to my mom’s house. We were not getting along. He dropped me off at my mom’s and then went down the road to the cemetery to visit my dad’s grave. He texted me and told me that the most beautiful Cardinal he had ever seen was sitting on top of my dad’s headstone. 🙂
Moving on to 2010. My Papaw (Daddy’s dad), who was 84, got sick on Saturday, January 2 and Mamaw took him to the local hospital. They ended up sending him to Scott & White in Temple, Texas. On Sunday, January 3 he was taken for a procedure. I have always been an avid note taker, and throughout that time I took detailed notes, for which I am now extremely thankful. A little before 10:00am on January 3, they got Papaw to take him for a procedure to remove blockage (stone…or stones). A little after 11:30, hospital personnel came to his room to tell us that Papaw gave them a scare. When they went in for the procedure, his heart stopped and he stopped breathing. They resuscitated him. I recently talked with my youngest brother about this, and his recollection was that Papaw had an adverse reaction to the anesthesia and that is what caused the issue. Papaw was moved to ICU around 1:30 that afternoon. He never came back to us. On Tuesday evening, January 5, Mamaw decided to let him go and he was taken off of life support that night. He passed away the following morning.
On Sunday, January 3, I found out that my cousin Shelley, who was 26, died of a supposed drug overdose.
I returned to work on Thursday, January 7, but I left to attend Shelley’s funeral. I was still working at the boys ranch. As I drove down the gravel road to get to the highway, TWO red birds flew in front of me! I immediately thought that it was Daddy AND Papaw! 🙂
Now to this year (2018). I returned to work one week after Adam passed away. I walked in the park next to our school during lunch, and as I was coming around the last curve in the trail, a red bird flew across my path. Another one followed it, and I thought it was a red bird as well but I was not certain because the color was darker. Anyways, I immediately thought that it was Daddy and Adam visiting me. When I mentioned this to Mom, she said something about the females and males being different colors. I Googled it, and learned that “male cardinals are brilliant red all over, with a reddish bill and black face immediately around the bill. Females are pale brown overall with warm reddish tinges in the wings, tail, and crest. They have the same black face and red-orange bill.”
https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Cardinal/id
When my second husband told me that a red bird probably represented Daddy, I thought that was something he came up with himself. I was not aware, until years afterwards, that it is a well-known belief that red birds can represent loved ones who have died.
My Strength 