June 17, 2018. Father’s Day. Happy Father’s Day in Heaven, Daddy!
4:18pm. I have not posted anything since last Friday, June 8. It has been a difficult week and I have been trying to gear myself up to write about it. Here goes…..
Last Saturday, June 9, Adam’s ashes were scattered in Luckenbach, Texas. I imagined it would be a difficult day, but it turned out even more difficult than I imagined. Thankfully, the morning started out well. God answered my prayers and helped me wake up early, with plenty of time to get ready. I believe I left my house shortly before 8:00. Luckenbach is 76 miles from where I live and Adam’s dad / dad’s girlfriend wanted to meet at 10am. On my way there, I took out the small container of ashes that I have (I had them in my middle console), and placed them on top of my dashboard. I told Adam we were going on a trip. The drive is a beautiful drive…..I have to go through Marble Falls and I go a back way, which Adam introduced me to. It was a beautiful morning and I thoroughly enjoyed the scenery as I drove. I took several pictures, and will share them later on in this post.
I thought I was going straight to Luckenbach. I texted Adam’s dad’s girlfriend to let them know when I was about 20 minutes away and she asked me to meet them at a gas station across from the KOA Campground where they were staying. I met them there, and we hung out and talked until Adam’s sister and her boyfriend arrived. They also had Jimmy, their son who was born on March 22. Once they arrived me made our way to Luckenbach. There was a big music festival going on, but Adam’s dad had called ahead of time and told them what we were going to be doing. We drove past the main entrance, entered through a different way, and parked. The minute I stepped out of my vehicle, the tears started falling. I looked out into the parking field and envisioned where Adam parked on our first date…..and that’s where we had out first kiss. Oh my goodness, the tears…..
Once everyone was ready we walked in, walked around for a few minutes, then headed towards the back to the river. Tears were still flowing. Adam’s dad asked me if Adam and I had a favorite spot and I told him not really; we had walked around in the back but I don’t recall us labeling a favorite spot. We made it down to the river and Adam’s dad found where he wanted to scatter his ashes. His girlfriend helped him take the ashes out of the box, then we began to scatter them. He talked as he did so. Fortunately I was able to video the entire thing. Once done, we walked a little further down the river, took more pictures, chatted, and then headed back to the main area, where people were setting up for the music festival. I envisioned that I would return home after his ashes were scattered, but things turned out differently. His dad invited us to come to their campsite and hang out. I asked his sister if they were going and she said yes so I decided to go as well. I believe it was around 11:30 when we got there. His sister / her boyfriend went to a feed store first, and then they arrived. Adam’s dad took in his other dog, Cletus (a Basset Hound), and he was there in the camper with their other dog, Malcolm. It was so great to see Cletus, and I believe he recognized me. He went crazy when he saw me, and kept trying to jump up on me. So sweet. I will share some pictures of him also.
We sat outside their camper, chatted, and enjoyed the beautiful weather. There was an amazing breeze that felt wonderful. At one point, Adam’s sister mentioned that there was a red bird in front of the camper next to her dad’s. I immediately turned my head to look and sure enough, it was sitting in front of the other camper. I tried to get a picture but of course it flew away before I could do so. His sister made a comment that Adam was visiting. Warmed my heart.
The idea of going into Fredericksburg for lunch was mentioned a couple of times, but no one made a move. Ha ha. Around 2:00 I asked if they wanted to go eat. His dad / girlfriend did not want to go, but his sister / boyfriend did, so they followed me into Fredericksburg and we at The Auslander, a German restaurant. The first (and last) time I ate there was in February 2017 when Adam and I spent a weekend in Fredericksburg.
I do not feel at liberty to go into extensive detail about this, but I will say that there is a great deal of drama in Adam’s family, and there are still many unanswered questions / things that do not add up about his death. The more I talked with his family on Saturday, especially with his sister during our meal, the more I believe that something is being covered up. June 27 will be three months since he died and I still do not know the exact cause of the fire. I am still working on obtaining copies of every single report that I can, and once I have them all, I am hoping that I will have enough information to piece together what may have happened. I at least want to have something that makes sense! I believe it will help me to have a greater peace of mind.
A specific member of Adam’s family has caused much turmoil. This person’s actions are unbelievable. I am having a very hard time comprehending the things that this person has said and done. I have been reminding myself that I do not have any control over this person; they are going to do what they want to do. I have to remember that God will deal with them. Still, it is extremely difficult.
I believe it was around 4:30 when I finally left Fredericksburg. I took more pictures on my way home. I ran into some rain, and then a rainbow! Before I get into the pictures on my way home, I want to go ahead and share pictures of my morning drive, of Luckenbach, of Cletus, and of our dining in Fredericksburg…..
On my way home, I got several more pictures. On this picture, look in the top right corner…..
Hopefully you can see something square with a lid on it. That is the reflection of the container with Adam’s ashes in it! I thought it was really cool because it looks like it is in the clouds. Now, this next picture…..I did not see this at first…..I was looking back through these pictures earlier this week and when I looked at this picture I saw a face in the clouds in the top right corner – closed eyes, nose, and mouth…..
Earlier today (Sunday, June 17), I was talking with my mom on the phone and I texted her these pictures. She saw the reflection in the first picture, and she also saw the face in the second picture. She told me she wanted me to close my eyes and remember what Adam looked like in the hospital bed in San Antonio. I told her I did not have to close my eyes to remember that. I immediately started crying. She said that the image in the clouds looks like how Adam’s face looked, completely covered with white gauze with cutouts for his eyes and mouth. Mom remembers Adam’s left eye being more swollen than the right eye – which is how the face in the cloud looks. His nose was completely covered by the gauze and looked squished down – which is how the face in the cloud looks. His lips were parched and very swollen – which is how the face in the cloud looks. I am not sure that I realized any of that before Mom said something. It really blows my mind, yet I believe it is a total work of God. In the next picture, the image is completely gone…..these three pictures were taken back to back; they all show the same timestamp (6pm) on my phone.
After these pictures, I was able to get a few shots of a rainbow! As a Christian, whenever I see a rainbow, my immediate thought is the covenant that God made with His all living creatures. Genesis 9:12 – 17 says:
12 “And God said, ‘This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: 13 I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. 14 Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, 15 I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. 16 Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.’
17 So God said to Noah, ‘This is the sign of the covenant I have established between me and all life on the earth.'”
I love rainbows!!!!!
I was supposed to go out Saturday night after I got back, but all plans fell through, and it was probably for the better. I was mentally and emotionally drained. I ended up staying at home and watched a movie called “Wild Horses.” It’s probably not a movie that I would watch again, but at least it kept my mind occupied for awhile before I went to bed.
I saw something on Facebook that night and I saved it on my phone because it really spoke to me. It said: “I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with you. And then I realized…you spent the rest of your life with me. I smile because I know you loved me till the day you went away. And will keep loving me…till the day we’re together again. ” Powerful and true! 🙂
It is now 10:24pm on Sunday night, June 17. I think I’m going to call it quits on writing for tonight. I will return here soon and continue writing about this past week. Thank you to each of you who are taking time to read my writing!
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June 18, 2018. I’m back! Still playing catch-up!
Today turned out to be a good day. I slept in big time – I think it was after noon when I woke up! I am so thankful that I am on summer vacation and I can sleep in if I want! I worked more around my house, then this afternoon I went into Cedar Park and Leander for a few errands. As I was headed out I was looking at the clouds and I decided to take a picture…..the flatter-shaped cloud that is going across the center, from left to right – it looked like an angel wing to me!
After I noticed the cloud and took a picture, the song “On Eagle’s Wings” came into my mind. If you have never heard the song, the ending part says:
“And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.”
“Hold you in the palm of His Hand.” Those words speak so deeply to me. I must always remember that no matter what I am going through, God is holding me in the palm of His hand…..and He is holding you as well! 🙂
After my errands I returned home, changed clothes, and headed to a new park in Georgetown, named Garey Park. I had not heard of it until yesterday, when a friend of mine posted something on Facebook about it. Going places alone is a new thing for me. God is leading me and I am growing! Going to a park such as Garey Park is something that Adam and I would have enjoyed doing together…..but I am thankful that I decided to go myself and I imagine he would be proud of me for going! It is a gorgeous park! They have two ponds where people can fish, hiking trails, an equestrian arena and trails, a dog ranch, and a play ranch for children. I walked out on the pavilion on one of the ponds to take pictures, then walked on a trail for a little while. It was no peaceful and relaxing to be in nature and just take in God’s creation. Here are pictures that I took…..
After that little adventure I grabbed a salad from Chick-fil-a, came home, showered, and here I am! And now to return to last week…..
June 10…..one day after Adam’s ashes were scattered. I was extremely down and depressed, just thinking about everything from the previous day. I had a very difficult time getting out of bed. I believe I finally got up around 1pm or a little after. I went to grab food from Dairy Queen, came back home, ate, and went back to bed. I slept until the evening time. I got up, showered, and started to call it a night. My roommate went out to get food from Dairy Queen, ha ha, so I had her get me some tacos for a late-night supper!
In spite of it being a down day for me, there are two things that friends shared on Facebook that spoke to me. First, a friend posted “Get Better Not Bitter” and referenced Matthew 26:75. I believe that was the message given at her church that morning. The simple statement “Get Better Not Bitter” struck my heart. In regards to Adam’s death, I must work to get better, not bitter…..especially towards the person in his family that I mentioned earlier! Interestingly, the woman who shared this on her page is my age; we attended grade school together and graduated high school together. Sadly, her dad was killed in a car wreck on May 2. My heart goes out to her, as I know exactly what she is going through.
Second, my former counselor Sheila, posted this:
WOW, WOW, WOW!!!!! Even in my down and depressed state, this really spoke to my heart. Hopefully it speaks to yours as well!!
June 11…..the other two 6th Grade Math teachers and I had to attend a training at the University of Texas (UT) in Austin. The other two teachers are Erica and Brittany; Brittany will be new to 6th Grade this year; she is coming to our campus from another campus in the district. Erica lives closest to UT so we decided to meet at her house and ride together. That was the first time I had met Brittany. I wanted to give both of them a heads-up that I was struggling and that I might not be myself that day, or the rest of the week (the training was for Monday – Thursday). Since Brittany was on a different campus, she was not aware of what happened with Adam so I briefly told her, but did not go into any details at that time. We went inside of Erica’s house, and when I told Erica that we scattered Adam’s ashes on Saturday I broke down crying.
Erica drove – thank GOD!!!!! I do not do well with heavy traffic and with going to large places that I am not familiar with. We made it safely; the training started at 8:00. It was a training for Pre-AP (Advanced Placement) for Middle School Math. As 6th Grade Math teachers, we also teach “Advanced Math,” which is regular 6th Grade Math at an accelerated pace. The morning went well; it was very hands-on and we learned many new activities that we will be able to utilize in our classes. Lunch was provided but I chose to go outside for a short walk during lunch time; I just needed to get away. I did not walk too far because of not being familiar with the campus. I came back and there was still a few minutes left before lunch was over so I sat outside. The afternoon also went well; we continued to learn more valuable activities and information. It ended at 4:30 and at that time, there was quite a bit of traffic as we headed back to Erica’s house. Once we got back, I ran a few errands and then came home. I still felt a little down…..like my mind was in overdrive, and I just needed it to calm down. I thought maybe coloring in an adult coloring book might help me, but it did not. I have one called “Drawn from the Heart: A Coloring Book Devotional.” It has a devotion on the left side, then a picture to color on the right side. I thought it might be cool to color the pictures, tear them out, and put them on my bedroom walls; however, if I were to do that, I would be tearing out the devotions as well, because on the back of each picture is the next devotion. Ugh! I wish they would have made the backs blank! I ended up reading a couple of devotions from a book I have called “Time-Out for the Spirit: Two-Minute Quiet Times for Times That Aren’t Quiet.” After that I spent some time browsing on Facebook, then I called it a night. I was not looking forward to going back to UT again on Tuesday! Here are a few messages that I came across that night that spoke to me.
One friend posted: “I am the Lord, the God of mankind. Is anything too hard for me?” ~Jeremiah 32:27. “It’s easy when your own world feels dark and fragmented, to become self-focused, only able to see the frustration and pain of your own life. However life hands us opportunities at every turn to wake up from our own bad dreams and realize that really lovely things are happening all of the time. There are miracles in front of us.” This spoke to me because I have certainly been feeling the “dark and fragmented” feelings lately. I need to remember, each and every day, to wake up (physically and mentally), and see all of the miracles that are in front of me!
Another friend posted a picture that says: “An arrow can only be released by first pulling you back. When life pulls you back, it simply means you’re launching into something AMAZING.” WELL…..life has certainly pulled me back lately, and I look forward to the amazing future that I believe GOD is launching me into!
I am a member of a Grief Support Group on Facebook, and one of the other members posted: “I heard this during a movie I was watching…and for some reason, it really hit me. ‘You need to just keep living. Listen to the pain, it’s both history teacher and fortune teller. Pain teaches us who we are. Sometimes it’s so bad we feel like we’re dying. But we can’t really live until we die a little can we?’ It’s been 10 months since Kyle passed away and it has not gotten ANY easier…despite the ol’ ‘time heals all.’ It’s hard to just move on from someone you were in love with. We had our whole future planned and in a blink of an eye, it was gone. Most days it still doesn’t feel real…..” AMEN, sister! My thoughts exactly!!!!!
The same friend who posted above about dark and fragmented times, also posted this: “You groped your way through that murk once, but no longer. You’re out in the open now. The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So no more stumbling around. Get on with it! The good, the right, the true – these are the actions appropriate for daylight hours. Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it.” ~Ephesians 5:8 – 10 (The Message Bible). “The darker the season, the smaller act required to bring healing. Praying for all who need small acts of connection and tenderness in a season that may be lonely, hard, or tangled.” That is so powerful to me! 🙂
Okay, my lovely readers, it is 10:26pm now (Monday, June 18) and my eyes are getting heavy. Please continue to check back here and I will continue to press on until I get caught up!
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June 20, 2018. I’m back! Still playing catch-up! It is 4:03pm and I am sitting outside on my porch enjoying cooler weather and typing.
Yesterday (June 19) was a good day. I slept in, same as I have been, ha ha. We got some much needed rain and it felt sooooo good outside! I got quite a bit of reading done in my Bible, which (sadly) I had not picked up in awhile. The last book of the Bible I was reading was Genesis, so I picked up where I left off. It always amazes me to discover truths from the Bible that apply directly to my life today! In addition to the wonderful weather, I also enjoyed the beautiful sounds from my wind chimes, which Adam gave to me. When I finally have the courage to write about our relationship, I will go into detail about the wind chimes, but for now, I will just say that when I listen to them, I imagine that he is speaking to me. I decided to record some of the sound yesterday, and share it on here. You will also hear the sound of traffic passing by; please just ignore that and focus on the wind chimes. Isn’t the sound beautiful?? And oh! I almost forgot about the birds chirping! Just lovely!!
I had a dentist appointment at 3:00 yesterday, and it went well. My teeth were horrible when I was little, and I had braces on my top teeth when I was in the 2nd Grade. I believe I had them for six months. My teeth are fairly straight now but I have a deep bite, and my bottom front teeth are a bit crowded. Every time I go to the dentist, she mentions Invisalign. I thought about it – I actually booked an appointment with SmileDirect a few months ago – but then I backed out after I read online about the maintenance that is involved. I just don’t know if I can make that commitment. I will continue to think about it. Ha ha.
After my appointment I came home for a bit, then at 6:30 I met a lady who bought a purse from me. I wanted to go do something last night…..there is a skating rink in Austin that has Adult Night on Tuesday nights. I asked several friends and no one was available to go and I did not want to go by myself. I had forgotten that the local Beer Market has a group of people who get together on Tuesday nights to play “42,” also known as “Texas 42.” It is a game played with dominoes. I love playing, but have not played in awhile. I played a great deal when I was in college, and for several years my family would always play during Thanksgiving. I debated back and forth on whether I wanted to go or not (I would be going alone)…..I finally mustered up the courage and went. I grabbed a drink at the bar, and asked the bartender about the people that were playing. She said they are all very nice and that they would love to have me, so…..I walked over to a group that was playing and said that I was interested in playing. The man who is “in charge” asked me who I was there with and I said that it was just me! There was another group playing next to them, and one of their players got up and let me sit down to play. I told them that it had been awhile and I may be a bit rusty. Another guy stood over my shoulder for the first few hands and helped me, if I needed help. Once I got back into it I think I did pretty well! I was playing with three older gentleman, and my partner was blind! It was so neat to watch him. He would rub his fingers on the dominoes to figure out what to play. Since he could not see what dominoes were played, each of us had to say out loud the domino that we were playing. We did pretty darn good! We lost the first game by ONE hand, and the second game by ONE hand. After that I don’t really remember how many games we played, but we had a great time and I made some new friends! I am so glad that I decided to go!
Okay, now let me see where I left off from last week. I covered Monday, June 11. That was our first day at the training at UT.
June 12…..second day of the training. We met at Erica’s house again, and Brittany drove. It was a painful day. Most of the activities / problems covered that morning were over our heads and we were totally checked out. I think most of the material dealt with statistics and calculus, which we do not cover in our classes. During our lunch break, I said that if I knew the next two days were also going to be statistics and calculus, that I had half a mind to contact our principal and ask him if we could get out of the next two days. We discussed it, and I decided to email him as long as they helped me to formulate the message, ha ha. We told him that we had sat there all morning and not gotten anything out of it, and that we could not see sitting there for two more days if it was going to be over material that did not apply to us. We knew that if we didn’t go the full four days, we would not receive a certificate of completion; however, we knew that UT would provide us a letter stating how many hours we did complete. I explained this in my email. Also, since this training was outside of our contract days, we had an agreement that we would get paid for three of the days, and then one day would count as a comp day and we don’t have to return to work on the first day that everyone else goes back. We asked him if we could forego our extra pay and not return on Wednesday and Thursday.
Erica was pretty certain that our principal would not go for it, but I said that we would never know until we asked! When we returned from lunch, Erica took two pages out of the packet that we were working on. She piggy-backed on my original email, attached the pictures, and told our principal, “Please make it stop!!” Ha ha ha! Not soon after that, he responded and said, “That is fine with me.” Oh my goodness, we could barely contain ourselves, we were so excited. We almost threw a celebration right there in front of everyone! We finished out that afternoon, let a lady in charge know that we would not be coming back, and high-tailed it out of there!
Shortly before we got back to Erica’s house, they were having a conversation about the Keto diet, and Erica asked me if I had cooked many things out of the “Bacon and Butter” cookbook, which I purchased several months back and then recommended to Erica. I told her that I actually had not cooked anything since Adam died. I have made Gumbo in my Crock-Pot, but I did that at my brother and sister-in-law’s house. I have also made meatballs in my Crock-Pot, but I did those at school for a pot luck. I just have not been able to bring myself to cook in my kitchen, because cooking is one of the things that Adam and I did a lot of together.
As we were pulling up to Erica’s house, Brittany asked if she could ask what exactly happened with Adam. She said I didn’t have to talk about it if I didn’t want to, but I told her it was fine. Erica went inside, and Brittany and I stayed for a few minutes and I gave her a synopsis of what happened. Of course I started crying. I told her that I am a strong Christian, and I know that this side of Heaven, I may never know exactly what happened that morning; however, if I can gather information from all of the reports and piece together something that makes sense, I feel like I will have greater peace of mind about the whole situation. She said that she has a strong faith, and she believes that we go through things in order to help others…..tell others our story…..and she said that I definitely have a story! Yes, I do!! And that is why I am here!! 🙂
I left Erica’s house and drove back to Liberty Hill to meet Darla, another co-worker/friend who asked me to tutor her on material for the Google Level 1 Exam, which all teachers on our campus are required to take. We decided to meet at Dahlia’s, a local cafe. When I arrived I was still crying, but it did not last too long. We had a nice meal and then splurged and got dessert! My goodness, I must tell you about the dessert! It’s called Appalachian Bar. It has a Blonde Brownie on the bottom, apples, vanilla ice cream, bacon (yes, bacon!) and caramel drizzled over the top. It is sinful, and here is a picture for your viewing pleasure! You might drool a little! Ha ha.
After we finished the sinful dessert, Darla got out her computer and notes so that I could tutor her. Unfortunately, the Wifi connection at Dahlia’s was not working, so we ended up going to the computer lab on our campus and I helped her there. After that I came home and called it a night. Now, a few things that friends posted that spoke to me that day…..
My former counselor, Sheila, posted this:
I must remember that I must keep pressing forward…..and I look forward to the due season that God has in store for me!
A person on the Facebook Support Group posted something that really spoke to me. She was speaking about a man that she had lost by suicide. I am not sure the relation to her; she did not specify. Anyways…..here is part of what she said: “First I want to say that I feel I don’t feel the need or want to question why he died by suicide anymore I feel if I ask why? Then I’m completely blaming him second I feel like Chester would say to me hey I know at first you were devastated I left but just because I left the world doesn’t mean you should because you know what I want you to do? Give as much kindness as you can to others for me in other words do what I would do for you and others if you give kindness it makes you strong how? Because kindness to others shows who you are as a person and if you remember my kindness and spread it everyday you’ll find peace so that’s exactly what I’m going to do…..”
WOW. That really spoke to me, and gave me a new outlook on things. It really made me think of Adam, because he was always about showing kindness to others. He called them his “good deeds.” He was willing to help anyone who needed help, even if it meant he had to make personal sacrifices. In many ways I believe Adam gave TOO much to others, but that is just the way he was. Reading what this lady wrote made me think that when I show kindness to others…..when I help others…..I am doing what Adam would have done.
Someone else posted this, about grief:
Super powerful!!!!! And now I believe I can move on to the next day…..
June 13…..what a day! It was a total God-thing that I did not have to go to UT, and was at home. I read my devotion for the morning, then went back inside. My roommate, Helen, who is 61 years old, walked through the living room looking like she had been hit by a train. She was moaning and groaning. She went into her bedroom to try and lay down. I asked her if she was okay and she said no. I don’t recall if I have mentioned this or not, but she had surgery on her right shoulder at the end of May, several weeks after she had an accident at work. The surgery was for her rotator cuff. She was given Oxycodone to take for pain, and apparently it causes severe constipation. That morning she said that it felt like someone was stabbing her in her lower abdomen. I asked her what she needed me to do; she said she was going to lay down for a few minutes and see if things got better. I came outside for a phone call, and when I went back in to check on her she was not any better and told me I needed to take her somewhere. She wanted to go to a new Urgent Care clinic in our town, so I obliged and took her there. As I suspected, they said they did not have the needed machines to run CT scans, etc., and told us to go to an ER, which we did.
It was sometime before noon when we arrived, and it was shortly after 4:00 when I finally left. They did blood work, a chest x-ray, and a CT scan. They also started her on two broad-spectrum antibiotics because they believed she had an infection somewhere. Finally the doctor came in and said that her constipation had been so severe that it caused a small tear in her large intestine, and that she would need to be hospitalized for a few days. The place we went is only an ER (not a complete hospital), so they had to arrange for an ambulance to pick her up and transport her to a hospital. The goal was conservative management: antibiotics, resting, etc. to see if things would heal on their own without having to do surgery. I was doing fine…..looking at her screen of vitals did make me think about Adam’s screen the night he died…..but it didn’t affect me too bad. What DID affect me was when one of the EMT’s wheeled a stretcher into Helen’s room. All I could think about was Adam when I saw him at Scott & White (the first place he was taken after the fire). I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure that when I walked in and saw him that he was on a stretcher. Just seeing that stretcher wheeled into Helen’s room, I became very emotional and started crying. I think it was at that point that I realized, I sure didn’t want to see another hospital room anytime soon after Adam’s death. The two EMT’s noticed me crying and one of them said, “Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of her.” Ha ha. I explained that I was crying about something totally different. They got her all set up, and headed out. I headed home to grab a few things that she needed, and then went to the hospital to give them to her. I did not stay long. It was an exhausting day and I had asked my friends Julie and Lori if they wanted to meet up for a drink; that was the plan, but once I left the hospital I totally changed my mind. I went to Walmart, got a big bottle of wine, and rented “Jumanji.” I decided to go home and be alone and call it a night.
I have noticed that since Adam died, I have not had the concentration / focus needed to watch a movie in its entirety, at least in my bedroom. Watching movies was one of our biggest hobbies; something we did every time we were together. The first movie I tried to watch after Adam died, I did not finish. And I never went back and tried to finish it. The second movie I was able to make it through; that was the same evening that his ashes were scattered. Now, “Jumanji.” I think it took me three sittings before I finally finished it! Fortunately, I did not have this focus issue when I went to see “The Book Club” with some of my girl friends, and then a second time with my mom. Of course, it’s different at a theater because you cannot pause, rewind, etc. Ha ha. I am hoping that my focus for watching movies at home will return soon!
Two things that I read that spoke to me that night: 1) A friend posted a picture that says, “The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It’s about what you’re made of, not the circumstances.” WOW. That really spoke to me! 2) A member of the Facebook Grief Support Group posted a picture that says, “Ain’t no shame in holding on to grief…as long as you make room for other things too.” ~”Bubbles,” The Wire. Another powerful quote.
And, moving on…..
June 14…..a beautiful day! Our school librarian, Sheri, and I decided to go on a day trip to Johnson City, which is 52 miles from Liberty Hill. We met at 10:30am and headed out! I do not recall exactly where we were, but on our way there I am pretty certain that a red bird flew in front of my car, from left to right, as they always seem to do. Sheri was talking when I noticed it, and I did not want to interrupt her to ask if she saw it as well!
First we went to the Lyndon Baines Johnson (LBJ) State Park / Ranch. It was AMAZING!!!!! We stopped at the Visitor’s Center and got a map, then went to each stop on the map. It was so neat…..and surreal…..especially taking a tour of the Texas White House, where a great deal of national history took place!
Next, we had a late lunch at the Pecan Street Brewery. Darla, whom I mentioned above, suggested this place to me a couple of years ago. The first December that Adam and I were together, he told me about the Pedernales Electric Coop Christmas Lights in Johnson City, and we went there on a Saturday evening….. December 17, 2016 to be exact. We wanted to eat at the Pecan Street Brewery, but the wait was extremely long…..close to two hours if I remember correctly! We left there, went and saw the beautiful lights, and then ended up eating at the River City Grille in Marble Falls, which was outstanding! Here is a picture of us with the lights. Wasn’t he so handsome??
I got slightly emotional as Sheri and I entered the Brewery, but it passed quickly. We had some adult beverages and delicious food, then headed out. The day trip itinerary that I printed out said to stop at the Post Office to see the architecture and to meet “Gus,” a Longhorn. I was envisioning a full statue of a Longhorn, or something like that. Ha ha. We walked in…..the architecture was definitely interesting…..then as we walked towards the room where the clerks were, we saw “Gus” on the back wall! It was just the head of a Longhorn. 🙂
After that we crossed the street and saw LBJ’s Boyhood Home. We didn’t go inside; there was a tour in process and the door was latched so we could not get in. After that, we considered going to an exotic zoo; however, they close at 6:00 and it was already close to 5:00. We weren’t sure that it would be worth it to pay the admission fee and only be able to stay for an hour. We decided to head back home. It was such a great day! Later that evening I ended up getting tacos from Dairy Queen, and I tried to finish “Jumanji,” but I still didn’t!
Update on my roommate: on Thursday morning her sister, who lives in Liberty Hill, messaged me and said that she had fever all night, even with the antibiotics. That morning her pain increased in her abdomen. A surgeon came in that morning and decided to schedule surgery ASAP; however, it did not end up taking place until Thursday evening. They removed part of her colon and put in a bag for three months, to see if everything heals. If it does, then there will be another surgery to remove the bag. As of today (June 20) she is still in the hospital, and I believe the plan is for her to go to some sort of assisted living place once she leaves the hospital so that she can receive the medical care that she needs.
Moving on…..
June 15…..yes, I slept in again! Ha ha. I am sure you are noticing a pattern! About the time I was getting up, Darla messaged me and asked her if I could tutor her a bit more. I got dressed and met with her again at our campus computer lab. We went through everything she wanted to go through, and then went to lunch at Schlotzsky’s. After that it was a pretty laid back afternoon, then that night Lori and I went out…..
We decided to try out a place called Lazy Tree Ranch that neither of us had been to before. It’s in Bertram, which is about 10 miles from Liberty Hill. I checked out their website and saw that they have karaoke so we decided to go, but first we stopped at the local Beer Market for a glass of wine and some yummy Mozzarella Sticks! Ha ha. After that we went to Lazy Tree Ranch and had a great time. They have an outdoor pavilion with a small bar, a small stage for karaoke or bands, and a nice playground area for kids. They have something called “BYOB,” or Build Your Own Burger. They provide all of the food and for $5 people get to grill their own burger (or hot dog) and it comes with chips. Pretty good deal if you ask me! Lori and I were not hungry so we did not cook anything. Ha ha. We were going to do karaoke, but didn’t muster up the courage. We left there shortly after 10:00 and decided to go to another new place called “Hometown Watering Hole,” which is between Bertram and Liberty Hill. There was a pretty good crowd there, and a DJ was playing music so we ended up dancing. They closed at midnight, but we were not ready to call it a night, so we drove into Cedar Park to go to Wild West, a bar / dance hall. When we walked to the door, I asked the two gentleman at the door if there was a cover charge. One of the guys said, “Not tonight; you ladies are with me…..and we are doing shots!” LOL!!!!! He walked us in, past the counter, and straight to the bar. He told the bartender to give us “Lemon Drops.” We each had one shot, then found a place to sit and proceeded to have a blast. We stayed until they closed at 2am, then went and grabbed Whataburger before we came home. Such a fun night!!!!!
Okay my avid readers, it is 6:43pm and I need to take a break from typing. I have been typing since a little after 4:00. My goodness!!!!! Please check back soon and I will try to get these last few days wrapped up…..
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Okay, y’all, I’m back! It’s still Wednesday, June 20. 10:12pm. Let’s see how much I can get done this time…..
June 16…..I slept in…..woke up and went to Major’s, a local eatery, to grab a Haven. They are the BEST. They’re made of frozen coffee, ice cream, and caramel. Yummy! I piddled around the house all day, then got ready to go out with Lori again. She got to my house around 7:30 that evening. First we went to the hospital where my roommate is at; I had to take her a few things from home. After that we ate at a Mexican food restaurant in Round Rock called “Rio Grande.” Lori used to eat there so she recommended it. It was really good!! After that we headed to Belton (about 39 miles away) to go to Bo’s Barn (a bar / dance hall). I used to go there quite a bit before Adam and I started dating, and I thought Lori would enjoy going. It was another great night! We danced a lot, met some new people, and just had a blast. We had Whataburger (two nights in a row, ha ha) and then came home.
June 17…..Father’s Day…..do I even need to say that I slept in? Ha ha ha. By now you should know that sleeping in is a normal thing for me while I am on summer break. This was another down day for me. In addition to missing Adam, I was really missing my daddy since it was Father’s Day.
When I woke up I went to Dairy Queen to grab some lunch, then came back home. I finally finished watching “Jumanji” as I ate. Ha ha. I debated back and forth over whether or not to go to a benefit in Granger at the Granger Cotton Club (about 32 miles from my house). A family that I know in Liberty Hill was having a benefit for one of their family members and they were having live music all afternoon. I actually started to get ready to go, then backed out. I just wasn’t sure that I was in the right mood to go. Plus, the last time I was at the Cotton Club, Adam was with me. It was the night before Mother’s Day, 2017. I didn’t feel like I was emotionally ready to go there again and picture us being there together. I stayed at home for the rest of the day. My mom called me; we had a lengthy phone conversation and got caught up on things, so that was nice. It was during that conversation that I shared the pictures of the clouds (mentioned above) with her.
Mom encouraged me to go to the benefit, but again, I just couldn’t bring myself to it. I believe I ended up sleeping more in the afternoon. I got Sonic for supper, and that’s really about all I remember from that day. It was very uneventful!
And at last, my faithful readers, I believe I am finally caught up to the present! I am not making any promises, but I am going to try my best to get back to writing on a daily basis. I seemed to be doing pretty good until last Saturday when Adam’s ashes were scattered. For some reason, after that I had a difficult time bringing myself to writing about everything. I imagine there will be more times like that, but I will try my best to keep up. 🙂
Note: My blog posts are shown with the most recent posts at the top. If you’d like to read about how this journey began, scroll to my first post, titled “The Journey Begins.” 🙂
My Strength 